I met him in middle school and we instantly became friends. He was the sweetest guy best friend I’ve ever had and it was like that up until my senior year of high school. Throughout high school he always joked about us dating, I thought it was silly but part of me wanted that, I was just very in denial about it. My senior year of high school was rough, I lusted over a guy that led me on and it really affected me emotionally but my guy best friend, was always there. He’d bring me food and ice cream late at night and comforted me. That’s when I knew that’s who I wanted to be with. After a few months, my senior year was coming to an end but of course everyone was having end of the year parties. I got super drunk at this party, and I spilled the beans to my best friend that I wanted to be with him. He was so happy. He ran to his friends to tell them the news. After that we became a thing.

 We were together for almost 2 years. During the relationship, he was the sweetest to me, I thought he truly had love for me. He would write me poems and tell me how much he loved and cared for me. But we argued though, many times because we just couldn’t see each others perspective. He was also very much influenced by his friends. I’m not going to lie though, I was petty sometimes and childish but so was he and at the end of the day, I didn’t want to be with anyone else and he told me the same. He said I was his first girlfriend and love and I truly, and still believe, he is my soulmate and the love of my life. 

Things sort of shifted the last few months of the relationship though, he became distant and I asked him if he still wanted to be with me, he always said yes. A week after my birthday though he dumped me. He said we weren’t good for each other and he had already broken my heart then and there so what was the point. That we’d never get back together ever. He even said I needed counseling. I begged him, it made me feel so vulnerable, I was in love with this guy. He was the first guy I’ve ever loved and the first one I’ve ever been intimate with. But he didn’t care, the worst part is even after everything happened, he would tell me he still loved me but then one day just stopped talking to me, deleted me off of every social media and never talked to me again. 

It’s been about 6 months now and not once did he try to reach me and give me a legit reason as to why he did what he did. Sometimes I see his posts and it’s all about “fuck love” “my ex this” “my ex that” even how women don’t offer anything in relationships and how he didn’t care that he let everything go down the drain. I see him talking to girls I’ve never even heard of before, and recently I seen him use pet names we had for each other with other girls. I know I shouldn’t overreact but it’s hurtful when this person meant so much to you. He did a complete 360 on me and to this day I don’t know what I did. I’m still not over it and I feel dumb for not being over it and for even to this day, still having so much love and respect towards him, something he’s shown me he doesn’t have for me, I feel silly for believing he’ll ever reach out or regret it, I know I should not wait on that. But I didn’t just lose a boyfriend I lost my best friend too.  Now, I need a different perspective. Not one from my friends because it’s so bias, they mainly tell me what I want to hear. So please, does anyone have any thoughts on maybe what may have happened ? Guys perspective? Maybe just some advice on how to move forward ? I feel like I’ve been bettering myself, I don’t have extreme panic attack’s anymore and I’m not super depressed to the point where I really don’t wanna do anything because it did get to that point. Anyway, thanks for hearing me out.