Well I survived the dentist, but my teeth are super sensitive now, especially in this cold weather! Also I met a male friend after and we did a 7K walk!! Wohoo! He’s a really old friend and we literally talk about everything, he calms me when I’m in his company.

I’m treating myself to a nice toastie for lunch now. That’ll expend another hour I hope! The struggle continues.

I wasn’t going to respond to my ex, but I knew I would spend days or weeks on end agonising about it and seeing it as an opportunity at any stage to contact him, so I said I better just get it over with. All I said was basically ‘it’s no problem’. I left it at that and he didn’t respond thereafter.

A tiny part of me, of course, will always imagine that he might have been trying to open the line of communication but I know him better. He is known as a gent, very mannerly and polite, always doing the right thing. He would have just sent that text to continue in that vein of being polite.

Also, he would hate to think anyone hates him or he’s let anyone down so I imagine part of it was him trying to assuage his own feeling that I’m not ‘off’ with him and he can sleep better knowing ‘we’re on good terms’ or some rubbish like that.

You’re right, it does throw you for sure.

I feel such empathy for you going through your situation. I know it’s difficult to make a decision cos then you have to be prepared to deal with the consequences of that decision. It seems from your posts lately that you have a lot of less than positive feelings towards your ex, despite loving him no doubt. My priority for you, but be to look after yourself first and foremost. Whatever that means, it might mean being alone to try and heal and process the trauma. But if it means reconciling with your ex, there is absolutely no judgement, just support. I promise. You do what you need to do and if we can help, in any way, consider it done!