Kkasxo,

I did indeed manage to get a few bits which I hope will boost my confidence for the presentation, even if I’m only faking it!

I ALWAYS feel I need closure with my ex. But there are no answers as such. I know why we broke up, I know my needs are different to his, so ultimately, it can’t work. But at the same tome, despite knowing that logic, I still miss him and can’t imagine his life going on without me. It’s hurts like nothing I’ve ever experienced before. I want to be with him. But I know I can’t be with him either as the same issue will arise and I’ll feel unhappy and unfulfilled and he’ll feel pressured and resentful.

How on earth do you flip that switch- the one that makes you feel you were not right for each other. The writing is on the wall and yet, I can’t imagine another single man on this planet for me. Argghhh, it’s positively draining and I don’t know how to get over him.

During our phone call a couple of weeks ago, I asked about meeting up but he didn’t know if it would make things worse. So that was a polite way of saying no. There’s no going back on his part, because he sees the logic, he understands why we broke up. I just wish I could get it through to my heart. But it’s not, I miss our life together. Even though it wasn’t perfect and not going where I wanted it to go, I still miss it.

I think the only way you could move forward with your ex is to address that elephant in the room. It has to be healed to honestly stand a chance of moving forward either together or alone. Perhaps once you start therapy, you can get some guidance about the best path forward for you. I can’t imagine what you went through involving the trauma you find too difficult to talk about but it’s had a significant impact on you.

I do believe however that humans have the capacity to recover from even the worst atrocities we can imagine so I’m confident, in time, you will deal with it and heal it.

I was anxious a couple of years ago getting back with my ex the first time. But as my therapist explained, it’s your life, your family and friends can’t live it for you and sometimes in life, we need to do what’s right for us, even if others can’t understand. You know what they say about opinions…..everyone has one! They are only trying to protect you at the end of the day, so any difference of opinion is coming from a place of love. Those close to me, came round a lot quicker than I expected actually and not one person has said ‘I told you so’, since we split this time. So don’t worry about that. Things work out like that in time.

I hope I sleep better tonight, although I remember Tom in an earlier post on this thread said he was 3 months broken up back then and he was still finding it hard to sleep/not think about his ex etc. So I’ve a way to go yet….