Dear blkhwkdwn1:

The massage therapist mug is an excellent idea, I am excited!

I felt similar to what  you described here: “like I am not good enough and I WANT to be good enough” and “I get yelled at and get treated like I am always in the wrong”. I imagine the first time it occurred to me, long ago, when I was a child, the first time it occurred to me that I was not good enough, it must have been devastating. It’s been devastating  all along, to live year after year  with that belief, but the first time, I imagine it  was  a shock. That feeling  of being less-than. When a parent gives a child this feeling, this belief, no amount  of food or toys or clothes or anything can possibly make up for this devastation, not remotely close to making up for this.

And the thing  is, it is not true. I remember the first time it occurred to me that it wasn’t  true (as an adult, only a few years ago), that was a shock, I couldn’t believe  it, seems like I was sure about it. Amazing how you can be sure about something  that isn’t true.

Back to the mug, excellent  idea and I hope you talk to her soon and get some clarity about how often you will be talking and meeting  her, better be  more  often than it has been.

anita