Kkasxo,

I very much relate to that. Part of the reason I went to therapy is because I’m someone who NEEDS to understand things, I like to know the reasons for things and why things happen. However, my therapist has tried to open me up to the notion that not everything in life gets explained. He says bad things happen and sometimes there is no specific reason why and one of my biggest challenges has always been to life my life with uncertainty. As I mentioned previously, it’s all about control for me. I believed I could control most things. I ask my therapist why my ex couldn’t move forward, he says he wasn’t able to. I ask why he wasn’t able to, he surmises it’s probably down to fear and an unconscious family responsibility. But then that’s not enough for me, I ask why is he that way, why can’t he change……and the therapist shrugs his shoulders sometimes and says, I’m not working with your ex so I don’t know. He says that’s life, it happens a lot and you have to try and move forward without the answers.

I find that the most difficult. Right now, I know why my ex ended it with me. Yet, I have ya least 10 questions off the top of my head I could ask him right now. I watched a Ted Talk about this and the speaker explained that an unending search for answers is most common in breakups. It’s as we struggle to accept the reality.

Good on you for doing a workout at home at least, you’re making more progress than you think. I’ve done some cleaning today, which helps distract me somewhat. Well actually I lie. I still think of him every minute of a task but at least it’s better than thinking of him while sitting on my ass moping.

My therapist says the best revenge is to live a good life and be happy, if I wanted to look at it that way as an aid. It doesn’t help me because my ex is such a good guy, he’d only be thrilled for me to be getting on in life. Sigh. I just miss him.

I am here typing debating taking a walk. Okay, I’m gonna do it, I don’t think you ever regret exercise and fresh air!

Are you planning anything this eve?