I very much relate to that. Part of the reason I went to therapy is because I’m someone who NEEDS to understand things, I like to know the reasons for things and why things happen. However, my therapist has tried to open me up to the notion that not everything in life gets explained. He says bad things happen and sometimes there is no specific reason why and one of my biggest challenges has always been to life my life with uncertainty. As I mentioned previously, it’s all about control for me. I believed I could control most things. I ask my therapist why my ex couldn’t move forward, he says he wasn’t able to. I ask why he wasn’t able to, he surmises it’s probably down to fear and an unconscious family responsibility. But then that’s not enough for me, I ask why is he that way, why can’t he change……and the therapist shrugs his shoulders sometimes and says, I’m not working with your ex so I don’t know. He says that’s life, it happens a lot and you have to try and move forward without the answers.

I find that the most difficult. Right now, I know why my ex ended it with me. Yet, I have ya least 10 questions off the top of my head I could ask him right now. I watched a Ted Talk about this and the speaker explained that an unending search for answers is most common in breakups. It’s as we struggle to accept the reality.

This is probably the lesson life is trying to teach you right now through all of this. If you work hard to learn it, learn to surrender control when you need to and to accept that you don’t really need to know all the answers, then this feeling you have right now will eventually pass and your next relationship will be all the better for it. If you don’t learn the lesson, it’s likely this lesson will keep repeating itself until you do.  I’ve learned that the hard way through repeating life experiences. They don’t stop until you finally learn the lesson and take it to heart.

If it helps, this was the same lesson I’ve had to learn too. It’s a difficult one, but it’s freeing when you learn to surrender.

• This reply was modified 6 years ago by Valora.
• This reply was modified 6 years ago by Valora.