Dear Airene:

Good to read from you. I will repeat my  question and  your answer because as I type I think, it helps me process information this way. I asked: “how do you manage  your anger at your husband… how do you interact with him day after day.. when angry with him, or numb?”

Your answer: “… the  anger  is  not as  intense- it’s more  sadness  and  disappointment… I’m pretty blunt and direct with him now about what I need and what  needs  to  change. And I’ve also tried to  be  very open about my thoughts on our marriage- that he and  I don’t  have  to  live like  this. So I guess the anger sort  of fizzles the  more I express myself..  I do have other things I’m working on besides my marriage- exciting, fun things”-

Your answer makes sense to me. You voiced yourself very clearly  with him, nothing unsaid. You let him know that ending the  marriage is an option, so everything is in the open. You are clear with him and with yourself, no confusion, no ongoing distress, really. And you are busy with other things, exciting things. You are not the silently fuming wife focused on her husband,   waiting. I suppose you accepted  things as they are and that  is why you are sad, not angry. Your answer satisfies my inquiring  mind, thank you.

anita