Dear Nikkole:

I figure your mother cut contact with her parents  for a good reason: they probably hurt her badly and she  was  angry at them. But not for the right purpose which would have  been to heal. If she aimed at healing, she wouldn’t have hurt her  own children as badly as she did, she would  have shared with you why she cut contact with her parents, and  how she  intended to  not do to you what her parents did to her.

I understand your financial concern regarding ending contact with your mother/ parents. Whether you ever initiate  ending  contact with either or both your parents is up to you; no expectation on my part that you end contact with them, nor will I pressure you in any way to do so. I have  no such intention.

Understanding more about your past and current  interactions with your mother/ father will be  helpful to you regardless. If you want to explore more, let’s continue. You wrote earlier regarding your current  interactions with your mother: “I’m just a person to talk about her problems with, so I remain silent  most  of the time. So I leave  feeling exhausted, and  a bit negative“- tell me  more about the  negative, if  you will: what  thoughts go through your  mind as she  tells you about her problems, and what does being “just a person” for  your own mother (to talk about her problems) feels like?

By the way, If the passive act of  hearing her talk leaves you exhausted, is it not a lot of negative that you experience, not just a bit?)

* I will soon be away from the computer for about thirteen hours.

anita