Hi Anita, it’s been quite some time since I’ve replied to this post. I am struggling with this same situation once again. I’ve been doing well in my grieving process but it’s been a rough road for me. I guess my guilt is coming from the fact that when I got back to Chicago from my break up, I wasn’t myself. I honestly don’t know who that girl was. I realize now I was in a relationship with a narcissist. I realize I was stripped of myself. I had no confidence, I doubted myself and I lost myself. I started to realize these things and was blaming my mom at the time for my codependency from my dysfunctional child hood. At the time I was even considering my mom was a narcissist. But as time has gone on I realize she was an amazing woman doing the best with the life she was dealt. There was betrayal for sure but I know she loved me and I loved her so much. And I wasn’t there for her the way my old self would have been. I was angry and full of resentment. I wanted to take care of only me for once in my life. My codependency had me hit rock bottom. She called me that day she died. She told me she wasn’t feeling good and that they weren’t feed her at the nursing home. I thought she was exaggerating. She was always sick. She was vomiting or 3 months and we did not know what to do anymore. There were so many signs I should have been there for her. I even felt it in my gut that day that something wasn’t right but I was so lost and didn’t even trust my instincts anymore. I wish I could go back in time and be there. And save her. I know it isn’t my fault but something in my heart tells me I should have been there and maybe she would be here. She needed me.