Amma,

My deepest sympathies to you and your family. I lost my best person, who was like a brother to me, 2 years ago on Nov. 30. I was the one who found him. I know all to well what your going through, and I am truly sorry.  There is nothing I can say that will take your pain away, but know someone out there understands what you’re going through.

I truly believe that suicide is a decision a person makes long before it happens. I think of my friend everyday. I think about the months leading up to that day and what I could/should/would have done differently. I will admit i, too, sometimes think “if I” but it would not have changed anything.  It is so difficult to understand because most of the time we are left to try and understand something we can not.

Be kind to yourself while you mourn the loss of your brother. Let yourself feel whatever it is because it’s what you need to feel in order to heal. For me, there was a period of recluse because it was all I was capable of at the time. Talking to someone, or in a support group, is a good idea. There are alot of resources out there. Try looking on the suicide prevention website… I think there’s a link that uses your location to find groups near you.

Along your healing journey, there will be moments that you will find yourself smiling and thinking of your brother because of a smell, or song, or even something silly like a receipt. These times will remind you of him or something you shared. Embrace it because I believe those moments are messages from our loved ones meant for us to help us heal.

It has helped my journey.  Xo