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My brother committed suicide today

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This topic contains 8 replies, has 7 voices, and was last updated by  Mark 4 months ago.

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  • #235921

    Amma
    Participant

    My beautiful, good hearted brother committed suicide this morning.

    We were very close and I don’t know how I’m going to make it through his death.

    My mom and I have each other, just the 2 of us, my mom lost her son and I lost my brotheR.

    #235939

    Shelbyville
    Participant

    Amma,

     

    I’m so so sorry for your loss. I can’t imagine the pain and grief you are going through. I hope you get through this tragic time in whatever way you can, rely on extended family and friends, anyone that can support you both through this difficult time.

    My thoughts are with you and I’m sending as much warmth to you as I can. I’m so sad for you. In the weeks and months to come, this is a good forum to help with advice and support. There is always someone at the end of the keyboard.

    S x

    #235945

    Amma
    Participant

    Thank you, Shelbyville

     

    I woke up this morning and I think I’m still in shock.  My mom has to identify my brothers body today.  Being that he shot himself in the head, it’s going to be beyond horrific for her.

     

    She doesn’t want me to go, which I know that my mental state isn’t strong enough, I don’t want to remember him that way.  I want to remember him the last time we were together.  We went to the mall and spent the whole day together.

     

    I knew he had issues, he was never the same after we lost our dad 2 years ago.

    Before he committed suicide he mentioned to me on numerous occasions that he wanted to be with my dad.  I believe that he is.

     

    I don’t know how I’m going to make it through this, I know the worst is yet to come.

    I wish I would have went with him when he wanted to go drink, even though I do not drink.

    He was in such a rage, I should have known and he would still be alive.

     

     

    #235949

    Shelbyville
    Participant

    Amma,

    You may still be in shock, but you will process it in time. It’s an horrific time for your family.

    One thing I will say is this……it is not your fault. He seemed to have his mind made up and I don’t want you to experience extra suffering by going over and over what you could have done. But I completely understand how difficult that might be for you right now.

    Try to be around people who care about you and talk whenever you need to. I’m so sorry.

     

    #235973

    Brandy
    Participant

    Amma,

    It breaks my heart to read what you’re going through. I am so sorry.

    (((((((Amma)))))))

    B

    #238465

    Feathering my nest
    Participant

    Wow. Sending you love in a difficult time. xx

    #238477

    Peter
    Participant

    Amma

    So sorry to hear about your loss. It breaks my heart

    #238633

    Acasey
    Participant

    Amma,

    I am so sorry for the loss of your brother. Suicide is an extremely complex type of loss and I know the emotions that come with it. I lost my mother to suicide. I hope you know you are not alone and there is so much help out there for you and your mother while you grieve. AFSP.org has many resources- especially for a new loss. They also have support groups, and yearly survivor day meetings which have helped me immensely. If there is anything I can help you with please dont hesitate to reach out. Again, my heart is with you and your family.

    #238655

    Mark
    Participant

    Amma,

    I wish you ease during this horrific time of grief, guilt and pain.

    Mark

    #268093

    TJ
    Participant

    Amma,

    My deepest sympathies to you and your family. I lost my best person, who was like a brother to me, 2 years ago on Nov. 30. I was the one who found him. I know all to well what your going through, and I am truly sorry.  There is nothing I can say that will take your pain away, but know someone out there understands what you’re going through.

    I truly believe that suicide is a decision a person makes long before it happens. I think of my friend everyday. I think about the months leading up to that day and what I could/should/would have done differently. I will admit i, too, sometimes think “if I” but it would not have changed anything.  It is so difficult to understand because most of the time we are left to try and understand something we can not.

    Be kind to yourself while you mourn the loss of your brother. Let yourself feel whatever it is because it’s what you need to feel in order to heal. For me, there was a period of recluse because it was all I was capable of at the time. Talking to someone, or in a support group, is a good idea. There are alot of resources out there. Try looking on the suicide prevention website… I think there’s a link that uses your location to find groups near you.

    Along your healing journey, there will be moments that you will find yourself smiling and thinking of your brother because of a smell, or song, or even something silly like a receipt. These times will remind you of him or something you shared. Embrace it because I believe those moments are messages from our loved ones meant for us to help us heal.

    It has helped my journey.  Xo

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