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How to deal with a situation

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  • #270475
    Pinky3589
    Participant

    Hi so not sure if this is the right place to post this but here it goes. This is a very extreme situation I’m in and I’m very conflicted in how to deal with it.

    My bf of 6 years ( on and off for a few  years st first but at a point of just want to settle and plan to get married) found out he had spoken to other women he says he doesn’t know/ had issues with a difference in cultures and strong pressures from his parents (which he never told me at the time). So they had been putting off properly meeting me for ages. I tried my best to keep patient. Anyway all the above came out, he basically lied and tried to cover up the truth instead of just saying it all out from day one when I just had an earnest and frank conversation with him. I did actually try to see if I can figure it out tbh. Anyway during this I recieved a hand written letting to my home- 4 A4 pages from a “girl” pretending to have dated him saying how he cheated on her a lot, saying how he used to say we were “friends with benefits” and somebody unusual things and including things about my background that was true. Needless to say it was very traumatic- it broke my heart and me as a person. It was all too much to handle. He denied any of it said he has no clue where it’s come from. I then recieved another letter two days later- typed being like sorry it was a drunken dare.

    With everything that had happened I basically have developed anxiety and depression. The anxiety is due to a lot but one thing that stemmed it was that letter and the shock of it and getting another it just topped everything else off. As I didn’t know who sent it- it became an issue where I would avoid coming home and keep checking if I had another and then I used to get scared someone would turn up at my home.

    Now I’ve recently found out that it’s his dad that wrote that letter….. haven’t had a full explaination from him just wants been told to me. Now this guys dad works as a consultant psychiatrist which is terrible, he also got the information from his sons emails- I had sent him some emails like just baring how I felt. My (now ex) had also been abit horrible to me so that was written in too.  He also apprently read text messages from my bf at the times phone. He had paraphrased parts of how this “girl” felt to make it real. Now it’s been horrendous to deal with. He hasn’t said sorry to me- apprently saying it to his son (for obvious reasons). I actually sent him a message to say what have I done to u and explain urself ur a grown man and a doctor- he BLOCKED me. He’s apprently said he’s sorry to me through other my ex.

    Now I’m at a a point where I just want to go and confront him and say what are u playing at. But with a person there to support me. So that’s my instinct to do. But I’m very aware my emotions are everywhere and usually I can reign in acute emotions and be more logical but this is just a messed up situation.

    So im just asking around for advice. As bizzare as this is how would you approach it?

    #270477
    Pinky3589
    Participant

    Oh and at the time my ex had approached him about it and he basically said oh some people are mean. I believe u didn’t do anything. It will be fine and pretended to support.

    #270529
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Pinky3589:

    You shared that you have a relationship with a man, started as “on and off for a few years”, now six years total. You found out recently that his father disapproves of you as a wife for his son and that your boyfriend knew of his father’s disapproval all along but didn’t tell you about it. At one point you received a letter at your  home,  it was his father who wrote it, pretending  to be a woman who dated your boyfriend. In that letter, his father wrote that you and  his son have been “friends with benefits”. You told your boyfriend about the letter, he said he didn’t know anything about it.  A few days later you received a second letter stating that the first one was written as “a drunken dare”. You believe his father had access to his son’s emails and text messages and has read your communication with his son/your boyfriend. You confronted the father and the father blocked you as a response.  The son/your boyfriend, on the other hand, told you that his father apologized for your suffering, but claimed to have nothing  to do with those two letters. Did I understand correctly?

    Another question: are you still in a relationship with your boyfriend and if so, what is the status of the relationship, are you pursuing marriage with him and what is his input regarding marriage with you?

    anita

    #270571
    Inky
    Participant

    Hi Pinky3589,

    Did your Ex BF tell you that it was his father? Or is it your mind filling in the blanks?

    First thing’s first: If it WAS the father, YOU need to report him to the medical board, or whatever Board these psychologists answer to. That is SO unprofessional! And unethical! And P.S., that will teach him not to block you. You are a real person, and are not one to be gotten rid of so easily (or discarded once you knew the truth)!

    As for your Ex, if he has to get his PARENTS to pretend to be other women….. You dodged a bullet! On many levels!

    Best,

    Inky

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