Dear Lala:

You asked for advice on how to get over this sooner.

My advice is to understand the situation better. Before I go on I want  to state clearly that what this man did was wrong and that I wish he was fired for it, or removed to a working environment where he doesn’t  manage people or interact with people otherwise. Also, my purpose is not that you to feel empathy for him, and to justify his abuse  of you!

You wrote: “I feel like he didn’t  get the punishment that he deserves and I hope Karma does its job someday”- the thing is, his punishment already happened way before he  met  you. He acted out his past hurts against you. He was already hurt way before, this is why he has anger management  issues. Anger  follows hurt.

When he compared  you to other people, it is because when he was a child he was either compared to other children unfavorably, or ignored while others were attended to  positively and he was so very jealous and angry then.

That “intimidating & irritated  tone” he used against you,  is probably the tone a parent used  against  him in voice or in facial appearance, and so  on.

Abuse begets abuse, not only by parents against their children in the context of homes, but also in the work place, in the streets, in politics, anywhere and everywhere and we  all suffer.

Best we can do is seek justice  best we can, hold the abusers accountable so that they stop abusing us and other people and make sure we don’t pass  on the hurts by yet abusing more people.

Did you think about writing him a letter or so, anything you can do other than what you did with HR or any other agency perhaps?

anita