Dear H:

You asked me what did I try to not do what I have the urge to do-  one example, is that I wanted to ask a person the same  question (in a different way, perhaps) so to get a different answer that will make me feel calm. It was like an itch that needed  to  be scratched, a distress that needed to be calmed.

What I did was suffer the  distress without acting on it, without asking  the question once again. I just sat there  and did nothing. Part of me screamed   out: ask! ask! This is how  you should ask next!

But I just sat there and said to the  part  of me that wanted to ask: it is not an option, I will not ask again. I said No, loud and clear. So the part that nagged me eventually gave up. It is not much different from having a child that throws a temper tantrum and you don’t give in to the child’s demand. Eventually she will quiet down, calm down and be available  to  sensible interaction.

You wrote: “I have  a very up and down relationship with my  parents. Very volatile at times”- there are a lot of answers to our behaviors as adults when we examine our relationship with our parents, past and present. If you want, elaborate on this sentence I quoted.

anita