Dear Ben:

This issue needs to be resolved as soon as possible, it is taking too much out of you.

You have the legal and ethical right to divorce her because you want children and she doesn’t. You wrote yourself that she told you recently that if you will join the military, she will divorce you, didn’t she?

So she is willing to do what you are considering doing.

Putting legal and ethical rights aside, you are attached to her and you feel badly about the idea of separating from her. You want to stay with her and you want to have children, both. Problem is you have to choose one or the other.

I think that a better idea than she attending counseling is that the two of you attend short term counseling together, couple counseling, for one purpose: resolve this very issue regarding children: get clarity about what the issue is on her part, express to her clearly the choice you need to make,  have the counselor facilitate and make such a conversation, or a serious of conversations between you and your wife possible.

anita