Dear afeels:

What an amazing dream, so appropriate to the HOCD subject matter. In the dream you unbuttoned a man’s pants but did not “go further” with a woman. The man graded your kiss  as okay, felt okay about you (although not as great as he did with someone else), but the woman felt anger at you.

I think your dream is congruent with my understanding that you are indeed a heterosexual woman. But my evaluation of you as heterosexual, anyone’s evaluation is like oil sliding off Teflon, as I suggested before because this is the nature of the obsessed, to remain obsessed, to keep checking for  signs  while awake…and while asleep.

In your post yesterday you wrote that since graduating university you work full time in an environment where you feel trapped and you don’t meet people your age, you feel lonely there.

You are living with your mother because rents are too  expensive in your city, and it is affecting you. From memory you shared that your mother has red hair, that she beat you when she found out you kissed another child, or children, when you were very young. Can you tell me more about your childhood experience with her and your current experience with her?

anita