Dear madxx,

What you’ve described of your current boyfriend’s relationship with his mother are signs of a codependent parent-child relationship.

Now, I don’t have much knowledge of your boyfriend to be too sure, but moving back home, planning on a nursing degree then finally sleeping in the same bed? That’s definitely him, your boyfriend, giving into his mother’s needs; needs that was probably generated by the fear of something that came out in a grotesque manner after his father’s death and your boyfriend being an adult who actually left the home, leaving her alone. And now that the mother actually need help with daily life, she is taking full advantage of her son who came back home to help her to reenact whatever she taught him during his years of living with her, which no child forget easily. And now, they’re practically glued at the hip.

You can tell your boyfriend all of this, that this codependent relationship with his mother is unhealthy for the both of them, but he might not listen to you He is probably not too aware that this relationship is unhealthy because for him, it’s a normal relationship with his mother. This relationship has not deviated from what was happening during his childhood so through his perspective, his relationship is totally normal. This relationship is what he was taught and you can’t undo something like that so easily. Though you can tell him that it’s best to see a family or grief counselor, but whether he’ll listen is up for debate.

http://www.mentalhealthamerica.net/co-dependency

So now, you have the option of continuing a romantic relationship with your boyfriend, codependent parent-child relationship and all. But, be warn, he might put his mother’s needs before yours in the future. Codependent is not the name for no reason. Or you can leave. You can pose an ultimatum before deciding whether you’ll leave. You can sit down and discuss with your boyfriend your feelings about the whole situation and see if he is willing to acknowledge the situation as it is, codependency and all, to which he will work with you to come to a compromise or any solutions.

Whatever you decide to do, do it with your well being in mind. After all, you can’t always be sitting around waiting for someone to come to their senses.