Hi Hella,

Yeah, I just don’t know. My gut says that if it destroys you to see him then stay home, but if being at home instead of with your friends will cause you even more unhappiness, go. I guess it comes down to how important these friends are to you. If they lift you up, make you feel good about yourself, genuinely care about you and your wellbeing, then it’s important to maintain these friendships. If these people are just okay, not all that great but your only hope for a social life in this area, then you’ll have to decide if hanging out with them is worth what seeing him does to you.

I still like that you’re not sharing your true feelings about him with this group and instead confiding in only your close friends who do not live in your  area. Making your feelings known will only create drama and weirdness within the group, I think, and not badmouthing him to this group (his group) shows a lot of strength and integrity on your part. Research good relaxation techniques, ways to be okay with the difficult thoughts/feelings your having. Decide today that this guy no longer has any power over you, can’t draw you in to his seductive, twisted game. When you see each other, say hello but then move on to the others. Don’t linger there with him. Send a signal that you think he’s nothing special, then open yourself up to the possibility that he really is nothing special.

B