Dear Lipsol:

In a very practical sense interpersonal relationships in the workplace, between employee and employer,  a co worker and supervisor/ manager/ other co workers, between employee and customers, all these interpersonal relationships are significant part of a job. Lots of people quit jobs not because the particular assignment they were hired to do were too difficult, but because the interpersonal relationships were too difficult.

It is best when there is an effective manager in the workplace, one that checks on and manages the interpersonal relationships between employees, so that it is positive. But oftentimes there is no such manager, and if there is one in title, he or she is not effective.

When the latter is the case, as it is in yours, you are left to manage these interpersonal relationships yourself, you are on your own doing that. Therefore, what I would do if I was in your shoes, is to do what you suggested, to tell the co worker that wanted you to gossip that you are not going to, that it is your principle to not gossip in the workplace (and elsewhere, I hope). Say it assertively, that is, with confidence in your voice but not passively (ex., apologizing to her for not gossiping) and not aggressively (sounding or looking angry). Instead appear and sound confident and  smile, express kindness. Tell her that you hope she feels better soon.

*”Why do people get upset with you when you don’t relay information..?”- because like a kid who wants something (candy, a toy, anything), when an adult who is not mature and wise wants something, she gets upset when she doesn’t get what she wants, and she reacts angrily like a child would, ex. throwing a temper tantrum in the supermarket: But I want this candy now!

anita