Dear sadman11:

“I knew his intentions so I.. told her not to let him into her life. But she wanted to prove me wrong about his intentions… She was drinking with this guy and they parked at night in a park and took a nap together… She promised nothing happened… nothing did happen that night, but during our big argument for weeks, she ended up sleeping with him. She claims she was drunk and it happened”-

I italicized  his intentions because you ignored the fact that she had her intentions: I assume she was alone and lonely and her intention was to enjoy his company, maybe to be hugged. Also she blamed  drinking and maybe she blamed the arguments with you as well. She didn’t take responsibility for having the intention to be in his company and for making it happen, repeatedly.

It doesn’t matter if nothing happened that particular night, does it. It happened the night after or two days after. It did happen, they had sex together repeatedly, if I understand correctly.

In your previous thread a couple of days ago you wrote: “I can see that she is emotionally immature”. Today you wrote: “I love her so much and I believe that she has matured from that time and has changed to a more reliable and considerate person”-

I figure you love her so much that you want to believe the words she tells you and that she has matured in the last few months since having had sex with her ex. But she hasn’t matured that quickly, I don’t think. People don’t mature that quickly. Maybe she means what she tells you, but when lonely,  when you are out of town, perhaps, and she feels lonely again, will she meet another man again, to relieve her loneliness- I don’t know, but you don’t know either, do you?

You asked: “How can I trust her again and how can I be sure that we will have a long-lasting healthy relationship?”- based on the new information you shared, I wouldn’t trust her, not if she had what you call an affair only a few months ago within the context of a year only, total (including the break and affair).

What do you think?

anita