Hi Anita,

Thanks so much for your response. I started therapy my sophomore year of college when I was 19 – I’m 26 now. I have seen quite a few therapists on and off during that time, most of whom weren’t that helpful. When I was 20, right around the time I met my abusive partner I was in therapy with someone who truly reached me and helped me tremendously. He helped me connect with my inner child and showed me a lot of patience and compassion, which I hadn’t really experienced before. Unfortunately, he was an intern so I only got to see him for a short while before he left, and while with my ex all the work we did together came undone.

I’m in weekly therapy and have been consistently with the same therapist for over two and a half years now. I find I’m often disconnected while in therapy and I have a hard time being present with my emotions. I talk about them and analyze them from an intellectual standpoint, but haven’t really been able to feel them in my body. I also feel a great deal of shame and fear which makes it hard to process. I’ve talked about all of this with my therapist but it feels like nothing has shifted really. Sometimes I feel I scare her with the things I’ve talked about, although she usually says all the right things I just feel a lack of emotional connection. For a long time I didn’t think she even liked me at all. All of those things makes it tough for me to make progress, I wish I felt the same sense of safety that i felt in therapy before but I can’t for some reason. My ex also shamed me a lot for being in therapy and yelled at me about going (she said all I’m doing is ruminating and I’ve been in therapy forever and not getting any better so it’s not working), so that adds another layer of shame that I didn’t really have before. I feel like I should be over all of it by now.