Dear Bonni_more:

I read all your previous posts since 2015. You read like a reasonable practical person, quite aware and wise, and resilient.  Regarding the issue on this thread: “He is remorseful for what he has done and has admitted to being selfish and lustful”-

It is clear that he enjoyed watching his ex girlfriend masturbate because he messaged her, after her performance, “to relay how much he enjoyed it”. It is quite clear to me that he regrets having been caught.

Let’s take a better look at what happened: his girlfriend is sleeping next to him and he is watching another woman masturbate. He kept watching it and then responded kindly, with a thank you of sorts. Then you found out. He then suffered some negative consequences for his enjoyment.

Let’s say he is in NY, and he thinks that he will get away with watching something similar, no consequences, why wouldn’t he then give in to an activity that promises so much pleasure for him-

Maybe because he will not want to hurt you again, because he loves you so. But if there is no chance of you finding out, why not, why not enjoy himself after a difficult day at work?

Problem is he already did it, maybe more than once. It is much easier to not do something we never did before, but it is difficult to not do something we already did and enjoyed doing it. Nothing stopped him from watching what he watched while you slept beside him. I don’t see a reason to trust something will stop him when you are not there, sort of, no-victim-no-crime.

I am sorry this has happened. I wish it didn’t.

anita