Hi Anita,

It is not that I don’t like your post. I will say I am confused even more now. My own therapist agrees that my ex was a narcissist. I have read hundreds of women’s stories that mimic mine to the tee. I don’t understand how it is not intentional in cold heart from these people with disorders because it seems they follow the same pattern in each relationship. When I got with my ex he explained his ex as crazy, and that she stole from him, and she was verbally abusive and so on…I became that girl with him. He repeated the pattern with me. This is 100% truth. I am not going to deny that many of the reasons I did react this way are from child hood beliefs. This is the one gift I got from being with him, he opened my wounds and I had no choice to see them straight on. A healthy person would have left instead I stayed and became more unhealthy, which is my responsibility. It is interesting you say I fit the criteria for BPD, because I considered I had that myself when I first arrive in Chicago. I researched it for months and was devastated. I brang it up to my therapist and she assured me I wasn’t. I don’t have these behaviors anymore since being no contact with him. I am more calm and I am more free. I can definitely see where woman have exaggerated and called their ex a narcissist just to label it. This is not the case for me, I want nothing more than to believe the man I loved does not have disorder that cannot be cured. I am not painting him as the bad wolf but since being away from him I see what he did, yes intentionally. Maybe not exactly in cold heart but he chose to pick at me and wanted a reaction from me, yes to explode, because he never wanted to discuss his faults. People do not like aggression but if it helps them get away with murder I think they will deal. My ex intentionally chose to call chatlines for year in our relationship, and he chose to pathologically lie to me. I am not just a women who is bitter from infidelity, I wish I was. That man changed me, I did not know who I was at the end of the relationship. I lost trust in myself completely. I literally could not decide what groceries to by and I see now how much he enjoyed controlling me that way. He turned all of the good things about me into bad things. He broke me slowly throughout the years. This is true and I DO NOT want it to be but I cannot deny the way he made comments on everything I did but then cuddled me and said he loved me. That is not love it is manipulation to brake someone down but be just enough nice to keep them around under your control. This sounds harsh and I struggle with believing it myself because I love this man but it is true. I don’t think he picked me and knew he would do this, I think he projects his shame and pain on women including me. I think he feels so afraid that he is not loved that he controls the situation so he never gets hurt. Which does not make it ok. These are my thoughts so far, interested to see how you feel.