I am not sure.

I know when it is fear. I freeze when i feel like it is do or die. That is not the case now.

I am really not afraid. I don’t know how a person should be when they are “driven”. Maybe i am not driven? It does not mean that much to me to achieve it? Although i am saying it is crucial – it is crucial for me to change things in my life – but maybe somewhere deep within I am supposed to feel that and i don’t? What if i just am not a person that can be driven or motivated to do things?

Now that i look back on my life – the last time i truly was motivated was all the way back in high school. I used to study a lot. I don’t think I’ve felt that since then. I do badly want the results but that somehow has not pushed me to act. In high school, i knew i had to study and I could go at it non-stop.

It is not just interview prep, even diet and exercise are the same. I am not able to do anything despite knowing that they ought to be done.