Hi Michelle,

The image of the sun rising over the river sounds absolutely wonderful, I can picture it in my mind’s eye as I read your post. I’m so envious! I have not booked tickets to Oz yet as I heard that the best time to purchase plane tickets is 6 weeks before travel? I really do need to save up though as I’m broke, especially after paying for my course.

I can completely understand the perspective you have in relation to my ex. It looks bad, I know how it looks. I see your point, it does appear as though he gets what he wants, while I’m jumping through hoops. It’s funny, it a ‘normal’ situation – yes you would expect contact from someone you spent a romantic weekend with, but with him, it was always minimal contact anyway. He’s a terrible communicator in every sense of the word. It’s not because he’s a ‘player’ as such and he’s living his best life getting what he wants (although I know why you would see this) – I feel it’s genuinely because he is utterly clueless. He has no idea how to adult in many ways. I’m his first relationship and I don’t think he understands how it all works.

So teach him, people would say….and I have…in the past….I’d get frustrated and passive aggressive, but I started to realise he just didn’t cop…..and getting angry started to feel pointless. There are definitely reasons to walk away from this man (if I were able 🙁 ) but there are also so many reasons to try, I appreciate who he is, flaws and all. But nonetheless, I was awake most of the night and my anxiety levels rose again. Of course they did.

I can’t settle, I know that. I tried and it just pours out of me, despite my best attempts to be easy going and not desire more. But I’m with him, still in the hope it will work out. What is wrong with me, am I too childlike in my naivety? He’s an absolute idiot and it’s hurting me and yet I’m not turning on my heel and stomping off. I want it to work.

I caved and texted him about 1am today, he read the message at the time but didn’t respond. He has now responded to the request to meet so I’ll speak to him later, but honestly I don’t know how to improve this. To me, it seems the biggest waste of potential happiness for him to throw this away.

I don’t know, my head is muddled at this point.