Hi Jay Jay

Thankyou for the response. I have a very wide social network, I seem to be the person that ‘knows everyone’. I have some very close friends who have been there through very rough times even when I didn’t want them to be. When I say fear of being alone, I guess this also includes making plans with friends to fill that void.

My thoughts are certainly improving. When I wasn’t in a good place I was between emergency and ICU a handful of times in 6 months. I was admitted as an impatient for a while but I genuinely didn’t want help. Now I do things to prevent getting to that point. I write my feelings and have a plan in action of small things to do if I feel I am in a dangerous spot because I don’t ever want to go backwards.

I am trying, though not necessarily accomplishing. Impulsively is something I have always struggled with, I don’t think before I do things which leads me to being irrational and stubborn. I’m not sure how to work on those areas, acknowledging it is one thing but implementing it I find hard in the moment.

My childhood wasn’t bad, wasn’t good. There was some domestic violence and my dad was an alcoholic through most of it. My mum worked a lot and didn’t like leaving us alone with him but she did the best she could and is an amazing mother. They are still together and I get along with my siblings. Growing up we didn’t get along as much as there was a lot of substance abuse by all of us but as we grew older we grew closer.