Dear jessica:

You wrote regarding your past relationship: “I wanted him to  baby me and look after me”- nothing wrong with that, being babied in moderation, I suppose.

“I would always baby him as well”- that is fair, he babies you, you baby him.

“but he would get angry if I would be mad about him not looking after me”- here may be a problem. It may be that he was selfish and didn’t want to take care of you any, and it may be that you were selfish and demanded too much. An example or two here would be very helpful to figure this out.

But there is something else, the anger- when you were “mad about him not looking after (you)”- how did you express your anger at him- what did you say to him, did you yell at him, punish him somehow?

You wrote: “I fear though that me going for guys that I think will look after me is dangerous and unhealthy”-

-it is not unhealthy or dangerous to look after a man and he looking after you. Question is, the extent of it and the expressions of anger involved.

If you look after and take care of each other in moderation (to be determined by the two of you in conversations) and without mistreatment of each other when feeling angry, it is fine and dandy.

anita