Hi again Jay

Thank you for the response. Yes I do agree certain behaviours stem from our upbringing without recognising the underlying reason of what shapes us as a person. I think acknowledging that is important but I still believe each action anyone chooses, and each thought, is controlled by no one but the individual themselves.

I have had a lot of therapy from 14 years until about 20. In the past year I returned to therapy though I didn’t find it useful. Originally I did an intensive program in order to be released from the mental health ward, which I didn’t want help at the time and didn’t try to help myself. I started one on one therapy after, which to some degree was helpful. I stopped going as I don’t think we were the right fit for eachother. I was looking at starting back up soon, I’ve made an enquiry about a program that helps put a few strategies in place.

I have tried to fill the void in other ways. I’ve starged reading a lot of self growth books and spending more time to myself. Cycling and enjoying my own company. I never used to like my own company because of my thoughts. I have stopped actively dating, usually I would have someone lined up to avoid the recent breakup, but I am coming to terms with trying to deal with my emotions.

I am very emotionally driven and I cannot control them. If logically I know a decision is bad, I will follow my emotions and do it anyway, usually resulting in a worse outcome. To be honest, I think I am really lost. I want to be happy with who I am, and not be so impulsive or have to try fix other people’s actions because I know they don’t define me, I just allow myself to think they do.

Many thanks