Dear Hannah:

Let’s look at what happened between the two of you as you described it in your recent post:

“We just laughed and joked”- reads good,  “and just had a good time and he was sweet and affectionate”- affectionate as in approaching you sexually, as a foreplay? It is important to distinguish between affection that is not sexual and sex, basically.

“He said I’m very reserved and I am because I was in an abusive relationship… I talked to him last night about how I didn’t mean to be closed off”- reads like you took it as criticism and you are explaining yourself to the critic: yes, I am reserved but it is not my fault, it happened because… No need to explain yourself, to act as if you did something wrong when you didn’t- there is nothing wrong about being closed off with a man you hardly know!

“I allowed myself to be open. Then he started being distant”- how were you open to him? He became distant, maybe he is closed off? Or otherwise engaged, busy elsewhere.

“he said I am who  (I) am and he’s casual and we kinda talked about sex and I said it takes me a while to get there with someone and he said that’s a good thing” – well, if he is only interested in sex, that is, casual, then he is not likely to want to take the time. Thing is, you don’t want something casual, that is, strictly sexual. Don’t accommodate what he wants, if what you want is something different!

“I texted him this morning saying thank you for listening to me and how I hope we can still hang but he hasn’t responded and I’m afraid I ruined everything by being so clingy”- you take responsibility for what you are not responsible for. He told you that he is casual, if I understand correctly, it means he wants what is called nowadays a hookup, or a series of hookups. When you told him that it takes you time, he might have figured he doesn’t have that time because there are other options for him, other women who don’t need time.

If at this point he does call, or already did, you may get so happy and relieved that he called, that you will be willing to be the casual thing he wants. I hope not !

Did he contact you since yesterday?

anita