Dear Dan:

“the biggest difference is that my ex was carrying my son, my mother wasn’t… There’s no law against her having sex whilst pregnant and single, but she did massively insult me and my unborn child by doing so, and so did any man involved”-

– here is the objective reality: you, Dan, feel insulted. Not your son, not unless you tell him what happened and  add that  it was insulting.

Pay attention to what I am going to write next: people feel very strongly about particular sexual behaviors and practices. Many people feel very offended by this or that practice even if it is legal and even when it doesn’t harm anyone. For example, I feel very offended/ disgusted when imagining the practice of group sex. It disturbs me quite intensely to imagine it, and it doesn’t matter if it is done legally (all participants are of age of majority and mentally capable of making this choice etc.), it doesn’t matter. The image of it is.. disgusting to me.

The image of group sex may not be disgusting to you, not if none of the female participants is pregnant. On the other hand, the practice of a woman being pregnant in the earlier stages, having sex one-to one with a man who is not the bio father, does not disgust me.

What has been bothering you all these years is an issue of a Personal Sexual Pet Peeve.

Let’s say I make a friend and find out that she or he does the group sex, I will probably not want to associate with her, because when I see the woman, I will automatically feel disgust. In your case, best would have been if once you found out she practiced what disgusts you, that you will not associate with her anymore.

Let’s make it more personal you wrote before, and in your most recent post: “I date multiple ladies at any one time and that’s how I roll now. The best about it is that I’m going to be a wealthy bachelor too, always dating gorgeous young women”- personally, I feel it is disgusting that this is what you do and plan to do, even if as you wrote before, the women know that you date others.

Your plan to be wealthy and date gorgeous young women indicate that you intend to either pay young women for sex (buy them things, spend lots of money on them, if not actually hand them cash), or that you intend to make them believe that they will benefit materially  if they have sex with you and then not follow through.  Not only does this disgust me, it is also unethical.

“Her actions created my reactions”- not true. You are not taking personal responsibility for your feelings or actions. You act like a self righteous individual who is justified to say and do whatever he wants because he is only reacting. No, you are responsible for your feelings, for the particular Persona Sexual Pet Peeve that you have and for how you act, what you say and how you act.

I am glad you don’t intend to have more children, this is a good plan. I understand that you felt great emotional pain, since you were a child yourself. But this woman, the mother of your son, is not responsible for your pain, therefore you are not justified in any of your efforts to hurt her and punish her. She is the mother of two children. When you hurt her, you hurt those two children.

You know how it felt being hurt as a child, don’t hurt this woman’s two children.

Take responsibility for your feelings, words and actions. Stop being this self-righteous, punishing Dan.

anita