Yonatan,

There is a reason why there are engagements.  People need to really get to have time to know each other before marriage. You have an idealized view of Maya. You gave up your Self to her.  Whether it was to please her, to show your love for her or for whatever reason, you lost your identity.  There was no equality or balance or real partnership.  It was all her, what she wanted, what she demanded.  As you noted, you have low self esteem and your constant willingness to always please.  This is not being an equal partner.  This is a doormat.

Even if does not seem like that, Maya did you a favor.  This is a wake up call for you to grow, to work on yourself, your self esteem.  I am sorry for your pain but it seems that life kicks you in the ass in order to get your attention on what you need to work on.

Find a therapist to help you with this.  Blaming yourself is not productive.  Second guessing yourself is not productive.  What will be productive is having a therapist help you look at what happened, heal, and address those limiting core beliefs and behaviors.

Mark