I battled a drug addiction for almost 5 years and after getting clean, I had to face this void you talk about. But at the time I was not aware that there was a void. I no longer used drugs, but started eating tons of junk food. I basically had replaced one addiction with the other. And it wasn’t just junk food. Drugs did such a good job at numbing my emotions, that once I quit them, I had to find all kinds of things that would give me some form of ‘instant happiness’ or suppressed my feelings. If it took the attention away from me feeling bad about myself, I was hooked instantly. I thought quitting drugs would make me feel good about myself, but the reality was, I felt almost as bad.

When I stopped using drugs, I did not once think about ‘why’ I used drugs. I got professional help and still this question did not come up. They only focused on ‘not doing drugs’.

At one point I had to face the fact that I had all these new ‘addictions’ because I didn’t want to face how I felt about myself and my life. It was very confrontational, but also eye opening. Once you see what the cause is of your ‘problems’, you can also see a way out of them. There were a lot of things I had to let go of: guilt, blame, shame, fear of being labeled as a loser, addict,… and a lot of things I had to learn:  loving, accepting and forgiving myself,…

When you are in this position, it might seem overwhelming, but the key is to take it one day at a time. I knew where I wanted to go, so I kept focusing on that image and that is what kept me going.  I am now grateful for this whole experience, because it made me very strong and it contributed to the person who I am now, and I love who I am now 🙂