Hi all,

I’m moved by all the contributors to this thread. Thank you for your input.

It has been a difficult time. I don’t know why and when I don’t know something, I feel completely out of control. I like answers, I like to understand things. If I can understand things I can adjust. I completely seem to fall apart when I have a few days off. I’ve been back at work this week and a little more on a even keel, but as soon as one thing eases off, another pipes up. I have been in immense pain since Sat evening and taking heavy medication to be able to work, even had a crutch with me at work yesterday! It doesn’t rain but it pours.

Michelle,

I’m finding it hard to find any point to doing anything right now. Similar theme continuing about feeling how I’ve run out of time, the best of my life is over and no real clue if that mindset can change. The pain of loss of the relationship is really seeping in now, I sometimes wonder am I actually accepting it now, realising it’s over and that’s why it’s hurting so much, or was I merely in denial and the haze of denial has worn off. I can’t say at this point, I just don’t know.

Where on earth am I supposed to go next or what am I supposed to do and how will I stop 80 per cent of my day being given to thoughts of my ex and the ‘wonderful’ life he’s now living without me. I do my best to not spiral but it’s a poor attempt these days. The severe back pain the past couple of days has really put the frighteners on me for long haul travel now. What makes it bearable at the moment is knowing I have my family around and if I’m scared the pain will become too much, they are there to look after me, but in Oz for example, I could end up not being able to move in a hotel room by myself for weeks! Eek

I’m going to the counsellor later but I’m not optimistic tbh. I can’t see a groundbreaking moment happen anytime soon and it’s not from the want of trying! I’m not complacent at therapy, I try and open up as much as possible and discuss things etc. I don’t know. I am unhappy now and I’m growing weary of it. The relationship was probably the most happiness I’ve known and I don’t know how I can ever be happy without it, which is tragic and sad and I’d love to be a woman who gives the two fingers, but I guess that’s not me!

On a lighter note, have you any exciting plans Michelle?

Peggy thank you for the advice.

Sylvia- I hope you are doing okay, I hear ya. I know how tough it is. x