Dear Camila:

“Things I cannot change:

– His leave getting cancel(led)” then don’t complain to him about it because there is nothing you or him can do about it (“I am wasting all the time we have to talk, complaining”).

“- it might take a few months more to see each other”- same thing, don’t complain to him about  it. Notice you wrote “I am wasting all the time we have to talk, complaining and trying to make myself feel better“- but you fail at making yourself feel better, so don’t keep doing what doesn’t work!

“Things I can change:

– my perspective on these situations”- you will need to detail your new perspectives, as you did a bit next: “- remember how lucky I am to have him dealing with all my depression and worries and never giving up on us.. be more considerate of his feelings and not only focus on mine”- repeat this to yourself instead of complaining to him. Try to make yourself feel better by saying this sentence out loud to yourself. And reward him for dealing with all your depression and worries by making his life easier and not giving him more of your depression and more  of your worries for him to deal with.

You wrote: “I have never had much support from my family and had been struggling and had built walls for years… he’s been the only person able to break these walls, and now I feel like my emotions overflow”-

– better not break your only support by giving him more than he can deal with. Every person has a breaking point. He has been good at dealing with your depression and worries so far, but it doesn’t mean he can do it on and on and on forevermore.

You are welcome to post here, on your thread, anytime you want to express your overflowing emotions. I will be glad to read and reply to you anytime you do post. This may be a place of support for you.

anita