Michelle,

I really need to get on this house sitting gig. It seems like a win win, you get accommodation at a good price and get to have a base and meet local people and they get someone to take care of their house! Right, that’s on my to-do list for this Sat.

This week there is a big festival on in my local area, I’ve been doing makeup for my sisters all week (it can be kind of fancy!!) As a family we used to all end up going to the festival on the Friday night (it’s a week long event). We might all go separately with friends or work buddies etc but end up together at the end of the night. It was always an excuse to get glammed up too!

I’m not going tomorrow. I don’t feel up to it. I have the day off work as my company does actually offer a complimentary day off for the festival (sole perk of the company!) but I’m going to do my sisters’ makeup again and just head home. They are urging me to go and not let an ex stop me from going to something I used to enjoy. But for me, it won’t be enjoyable tomorrow. I know exactly what I will do. I will spend several hours looking over my shoulder at every opportunity in case I should see him or bump into him and that’s not enjoyable. That’s just there for the sake of being there. So I’m going to stay home and rest my back.

This time I feel it’s gonna stick with the break up because I certainly can’t do anything more and I’ve been the one who reconciled 3 times. I won’t be doing it again, therefore it won’t happen. But it still leaves me so sad. I still dream of him having an epiphany down the road and seeing the errors of his ways, so I’m not quite at the enlightenment stage yet! Still a weepy, broken mess over here in my corner!

So im challenging myself. I’m so sorry, but I don’t believe you, or my therapist, or my friends or my family or all the books or all the Ted Talks lolzzzz that I will move on and be happy – I just don’t feel that’s a possibility deep down- BUT I’m willing to fling a few things at life and see what happens. Travel might make me feel worse, but hey, I’m gonna try it. Quitting my job might be the wrong decision but I’m gonna take the chance. It could all be a big mistake, but I have form on the mistakes front, so why stop now!!!

School holidays are great for families, but honestly the crowds are wearing me down. So many people. Everywhere! I confess I’m looking forward to when things settle down again in Sept and flights/hotels become more accessible again!