Dear Kylee:

You wrote in this post Oct 2019: “I always end up feeling wrong for how I feel or perceive things… thoughts of self doubt and doubt on others pop up. I find it hard to know if what I am feeling is reality or just me making it up because I feel insecure or unsure of things”-

– in other words, when you are in a relationship with a man, you don’t know what is happening. You think this or that may be happening, but then you doubt your perception of reality, thinking maybe you are wrong, maybe what you thought was happening is not happening.

This is congruent with what you shared in previous threads, as long back as September 2017 regarding a previous relationship: “In this relationship that just ended, its really hard for me to  identify at times whether its me being anxious or if the person is just not doing that much… I  know that I need to try and learn better how to identify what I’m thinking and feeling vs what is actually happening.

Same problem two years apart (see what I italicized). We discussed very little your father coming in and out of your life whenever he pleased. We didn’t talk at all about  your relationship with your mother. If you want to (for the purpose of uncovering the origin of your lack of trust in your perception of reality), we can do that, starting with my question: did your mother explain to you the behavior by your father, and if so, what did she say to explain to you why he was in and out of your life as he pleased?

If you don’t want to  discuss the above, or  in addition to  it, let’s look at a behavior or an observation you made most recently (this thread), the perception of reality you had based on that observation and then your doubt: “we get to his house.. I saw an empty condom box”- your perception was that he recently had sex with another woman or other women. Because of that perception, you were “triggered.. so  hard!!. got extremely upset” and told him to take you home. But before he did, you “asked him if he was seeing any0ne else or messing around and he said no”.

Question: did you ask him about the empty box of condom and what do you think it means, at this point in time?

anita