Dear cali sister:

And I still forgot to thank you- thank you for the empathy, cali sister!

Three comments on quotes today (more at a later time):

1. Jan 22, 2018: “I will not stop contact with them- because at this moment in time, I cannot imagine also losing parents. Then I  would  be… actually alone”-

– I remember this very morning how I felt when I read this close to two years ago- I cringed. Because like you stated yourself today, I noticed the Alone theme (ex.: I don’t have family. I’m essentially alone”, Dec 2, 2017 and “I’ve felt alone my entire life. Tortured by family. I’ve felt like an orphan.. Never had the family, Dec 9, 2017)- you were alone there with your parents so much, so often, I think it was the one thing that you could depend on in that household- being alone, left behind, uninvited, rejected, disapproved of and so forth.

2. Sept 11, 2017: “I.. moved away from home toxicity. I moved across the country. and immediately was so much happier. The depression, suicidal thoughts? all gone”- reminds me of the excitement and sense of freedom you had a short while after establishing the NC. Back to Sept 2017 quote: “all gone.. I don’t know what is happening.. I thought I was better”- just like then, distress is not over for you, unfortunately. This is why I am here for you, to help  you through the distress yet to be.

3. Nov 13, 2016″my mother is having an episode of some sort (hard to diagnose properly)”- I am guessing a mixture of personality disorders: Borderline, Histrionic, Narcissistic and Paranoid (in alphabetic order).

Jan 17, 2017: “maybe she’s just a bad person… since ALWAYS… Maybe she is just a cruel person”- yes, she has been bad and cruel to you ever since you were unfortunate enough to be born to her- which is “since ALWAYS”, for you (and for your sister).

Feel free to respond to any of these or post about anything else.

anita