Brandy,

this information was volunteered to me as i didnt ask about the prior relationship but she felt the need to talk about it, so i listened. She said that she caught her ex bf on dating apps, talking to other girls, she grabbed his phone, and went through it and at that point he choked her. This happened more than one time. She said this was the very end to their relationship after that happened. She also stated that she was always the one who was cheated on in relationships. When i left her, she said she wasnt surprised and could see it coming because “i changed and this wasnt her first rodeo, as she has become an expert on this”.

Im not naive and i know there are two sides to every story. For example, she told me that she “hated dating apps” due to the problems it caused before. Coincidentally,  we met on a dating app. Also, i have seen her on two dating apps since i left her. Im aware that its her life and i cut her loose, so its really none of my business who she dates or how she meets them. But i do sit back and examine the fact that for someone who had issues with dating apps, she seems very open to them now. So i will never know the other side of the story in her past, but i was somewhat surprised to see her so open to using them. Esp. as she claimed to be “talking with someone else” currently.

i agree, i feel very alone. One point i continue to hammer to myself is, i remember telling a friend of mine that “i like this girl, just dont see it long term, and im having trouble deciding which way i want to go with it because we do get along well. I just know that im getting older and if i want to find what i desire, i can no longer waste my own time and its not fair for me to drag her along. If i wait years to end it, then i will have set myself back years, and i cant do that, as if im in my early to mid 20s”.

as you can tell, im very much in my own head, sometimes it gets me in trouble but it has seemed to keep me out of harmful situations for the most part. Sure, im single again at 33, have two failed relationships both spanning 4 years a piece in my 20s, but on a positive note, i didnt get married to a woman i dont love and have kids while i was too young and very immature.