Brandy,

i know to her it looks as if im saying one thing and actions proved otherwise. I talked to her for over 2 hours when i told her i wanted to leave. She wasnt overly emotional but i could tell she was taking some subtle “jabs” at my points, which led me to believe that she wasnt in agreement. Also, she tried to leave it open ended but i told her thats not a good idea.

initially i may have hurt her. But from the most recent conversations it doesnt seem that way. I dont want her to be hurting, i do want her to forgive on top of give me a second chance (i know thats selfish and a lot to ask).

the time alone has made me reflect on the topics of conversation and analyze them deeper. Of course it could be the loneliness and lack of contact that puts what we had on a pedestal but ive been looking at her past as more of a positive and not a negative.

i decided that, if i get the opportunity, i want to know more about these situations, meet the family members, see what she struggles with every day and how she copes with mental illness. I want to let her in on my family and friends (since i was reluctant to do so before) and see what this desire i have inside is to seek these opportunities.

do i see her as wife material? When it fame to how she treated me and how we got along, yes. The physical part of our relationship wasnt completely there for me but its something i can work on. The only big variable for me is the bipolar, to what extent would it be a major problem, as it seems to have caused many problems for her previously, the question is, is it under control. As ive stated before, 9/10 relationships or marriages fail with a bipolar diagnosis, the odds are awful, but in that 1/10, can it be great?

as of now, i dont expect to ever hear from her in an intimate way again. She has said repeatedly that she wishes i didnt do what i did and maybe things can change another time but right now, they cant. But like you said, i think i wore out my welcome by being so solid and unapologetic when i left, it probably hurt and opened her eyes.