Dear Maria:

This is my current understanding: you stated that you “have quiet a good life”- in that you successfully got yourself educated, got a good job, moving toward  successful career, having rented your first apartment, yes, a good life in these regards. But socially, you are not living a good life. You are quite lonely and you have been deeply involved for years with an abusive female “friend”.

“I come from a loving family”- not so much, because if you did, you wouldn’t be tolerating an unloving and abusive “friend” for as long as you have, feeling like you are “the bad guy”. If you came from a loving family, you would have been able to distinguish between love and abuse.

I think that you are aware of your social struggle in the context of friends and romantic relationships, and your “friend” knows that and uses this knowledge to point the finger of blame at  you any chance she gets: your fault! your fault!

She is encouraging your self blame that way.

She reads like a troubled woman. Thing is your bond is based on the fact that you are both troubled,  unfortunately. You are troubled too, this is why you have been maintaining this abusive relationship for so long and why you  have been attending therapy for two years so far, isn’t it?

This “friendship” is bad for you but you are holding on to  it because you feel guilty, as if you are responsible for her troubles, as if you are.. her mother and neglected her.

I am sure you discussed this “friendship” in therapy. I wonder what was your therapist input, if you’d like to  share, of course.

anita