Dear White Desann:

You are welcome. You wrote to me and to  another member: “I can see that you are trying to instill some confidence in my, I appreciate that- but I am afraid it’s something really hard to achieve”-

– I didn’t try to instill confidence in you. I told you honestly what I felt as I read your original post. I enjoyed your intellect, wit, writing skills.

You are aware yourself of your intellect. You wrote in a later post regarding an earlier part of your life: “I was.. torn between a delusional conviction of intellectual superiority and a bitter envy of anyone who was more socially savvy than me (pretty much everyone else)”-

– you are aware that you are intellectually gifted. And you are aware that you are socially challenged, your words indicate that.

As social animals, we need emotional wisdom to operate well in relationships and in other social contexts. Intellect alone will not do.

What you need is to gain that emotional wisdom. You are  impatient, too desperate, pessimistic. Your emotions overwhelm you and rain on the parade of your fine intellect. I have this image; your fine intellect is like a beautiful mountain with rocks on top made of precious stone. But alas, it is so  unpleasant on the top of that mountain because rain hits it hard, and hail too, and storms…then the sun comes out and the wind dies down, but all too soon, here is the rain again and the storm is on.

It takes intent, attention and practice over time to manage the rain and hail and storms (unpleasant emotions), to lower their intensity, to find occasional refuge in a bit of sunshine and take a few deep breaths, and it takes learning how to function well in bad weather, so that bad weather feels less threatening.

If this makes sense to you, let me know.

anita