Dear Sarah:

First thing in this: you can ask him to no longer share with you about the ex he lived with. Maybe he doesn’t know that it bothers you that he says things like: “she used to like x”, or “I went there with x”. He should stop simply because it bothers you (and would bother almost any new girlfriend, if not every single one). Let’s say you ask him and he ignores your request- that would mean that he disregards your feelings, and that is a bigger problem than him not being adequately over his ex.

Another thing: he knows what his ex liked, but does he know what you like? If he doesn’t, it is a problem. He should know what you like if you are to be his girlfriend, and he should want to offer you what you like from time to time, so to please you. Pay attention and observe: does he remember and does he offer you what you like, so to please you, to see you content?

And one last thing, for now: when two people are in an emotionally intimate relationship, memories remain, but not only dry memories replay once in a while, but emotional memories. Sometimes he will feel affection, or longing for her, at least for a long time to come. But this is not unusual. Men and women feel affection and longing while in an exclusive relationship for co-workers, people in the community, and even movie stars, all while being loyal to their partner.

No one owns another’s thoughts and feelings, no one’s brain has only thoughts and feelings for just this one person forevermore. Not even yours!

Do let me know what you think of my reply to you, if you want to.

anita