Dear Anette:

It reads to me that you did the right thing ending this new relationship because he practiced, and planned to continue  practicing for the next three years, a lifestyle of occasional passing out drunk (and waking up “somewhere he didn’t find familiar”). It is not that he chose to drink, but he chose to occasionally pass out.

I understand the desire to drink so to feel good. But if passing out is not a negative experience for him, what would cause him to stop drinking to excess after the three years?

So you saved yourself the very stressful experience of a man who occasionally passes out drunk. Plus, his spending “a lot of money on friends even if he still had a considerable debt” , is not something to look for in a life partner.

“This is the first time where really I had to end something that wasn’t ‘bad'”, yet. Not yet. Good choice, to prevent trouble, to end trouble before it starts.

I understand that you feel sad because you were attached to him and because you are tired “from dating and having to start again”. When you do start again, in 2020, I imagine, start again using what you learned so far about dating. Change your profile and your strategy of dating so that you learn about and evaluate men before getting significantly attached to them, and therefore, being able to choose without heartache.

You mentioned that you were abused as a child. If you want, only if you think it will help you to share about it here, please do. Otherwise you are welcome to share on any topic that comes to mind, on this Christmas Eve or any other time.

anita