Dear Katie:

You are welcome.

“It has always been extremely hard for me to confront my cousin”- you have the option to end all contact with her without a confrontation. (From your account, I don’t see much use of a confrontation with her; I am not optimistic about the results of a confrontation with her).

“If it ends up that I have to end contact with her, I will have almost no one”- if you lived on an island and she was the only other person, or one of only a few people, then you would have to find a way to interact with her in better ways. But you are not living on an island, there are many thousands of people around you- you don’t have to have her in your life!

To “have almost no one” in most circumstances is better than having a person in your life who drags you down.

Before I read your new year resolution to make friends I thought to myself that..  indeed you need to make new friends, but in small steps, make acquaintances first. Don’t rush. little by little. “I feel a lot of pressure to make friends”- that’s the rush. No need to rush, rushing defeats almost all objectives.

You detailed a cycle, from I enter an abusive relationship-> … my self-esteem goes even lower-> , etc. I don’t know how to break this cycle”-

– you are no longer in an abusive relationship with a boyfriend, so the cycle broke. Next- end the abusive relationship with your cousin by enforcing a no contact with her. Next make acquaintances in small step, without pressuring and overwhelming yourself, and with time and patience one or more of these acquaintances will become your friends.

anita