Hi Singing Soul,

How funny it is to be sitting here, replying to the post I wrote 4 years ago when I was in such a dark place.

The long story short is: I can finally say that I’ve healed. There’s no magic formula, nothing I specifically did, and no new boyfriends since. All I can say is time heals all. I’m sure that’s not the response you were hoping for, but I’d say 2.5 years after my senior year of college (so sometime in 2018) I finally realized that thinking about him, or us for that matter, didn’t hurt. The only thing I can attribute that to is time. While he was with his new girlfriend (they have since broken up) I was so hurt. But after a while of seeing them together, sickened with the fact that they were happy and I was alone, the pain started to get less and I was distracted by my own life. Focus on yourself. I haven’t dated anyone since him and I’m happy to say that I’m single, living in New York City with a great job, have a great group of friends.

I am so sorry you’re hurting. I know how painful it is and how it can effect your entire life. Here’s my advice to you:

1. Don’t drink too much. I found myself getting emotional when I drank and starting to think unreasonably about us and how good we had it. Take care of your body and go for a long walk if you’re feeling sad or anxious.

2. Stop looking at pictures of him and his life. No really….stop. For me, this was like quitting a hard drug. It hurt to look but for some reason I couldn’t stop. Cut them out of your life. Even go as far as set reminders for yourself once a week.

3. Just know that what is meant to be for you, will be. If someone had told me this when I was at my low, I would tell them to eff off. But really. I know for a fact I put my relationship with this man on a pedestal and he is not who I am meant to be with. Sure, he is the most recent man who has loved me and vice versa and it’s hard to move on from that, especially when you don’t have a new person in your life to distract you. Ultimately it is up to you. Give it time, and what is meant to be will come to you. Don’t rush it, you will heal when your heart is ready, but in the mean time focus on yourself and not him.

I am proud to say I pulled myself out of a dark place and back onto my feet all by myself. I know you can too. Give it time, be kind to yourself and know that what is meant to be is meant to be. There’s someone out there for you that will not make you think twice about this man.

Lot of love,

Elle