Hi Caitlin-Joyce,

I’m a mom and my daughters are 40, 38, 36 and 36. I’m wondering if you live at home? I agree with Tom, your parents Feel your pain. It’s difficult not to especially if you live with them. Is there someone else, another adult perhaps, that you can confide in other than your parents? It would help put distance and/or boundaries between their feelings and the issues. They’re too emotionally involved and that’s hard to undo once they know the details. Again especially if you live with them.

I would also suggest that you don’t mention his name if that’s what they’ve asked. They are creating boundaries because of their pain. Eventually you may be able to bring him up again.

How many times in the two years have you broken up? This may be another part of the reason they’re reacting like they do.

This is a learning experience for everyone. You and your parents are all being challenged to love each other on a deeper level. Focus only on yourself. That is the only person you can change. And about how to heal this…bless everyone involved. Bless your boyfriend, and your parents. Mentally send them love every time you think of the situation. Make this a habit. Love heals! You can also pray if you are OK with that.

I also like Lori’s suggestion about talking to your parents. And note that she kept a journal. You may want to try that as well.

Remember at 23 you’re still finding your way. You’re not suppose to have it all figured out yet. Don’t be too hard on yourself. I hope this helps!