Hi Anita,

First of all

I think what she meant is that i have lack of understanding my partner as a complex way,  i.e. she said -quote as possible as i can translate- ” you  only know a fraction of me, i am trying to make you understand about me but you imagine what i should be in edited image of mine  because you always do  some thing; when i said about what i thought, like or dislike, you interpret my words into something that what you think or imagine about my thoughts.”

I know that it may sound like a selfish, but  since we keep away on and off from each other  in last years, i tried to read (or understand, i don’t know verb here) his past experiences because i felt  behind since time has passed, maybe she has changed  and i tried to catch what i miss about her  past, because i  know that this was the last shot, may be i have panic at that time.

secondly,

she said about his family issues, i guess her father and mother have some fights. She also said that she has some fear of what if we end up in same situations. I didn’t  thought on this back then, but she always think most negative sides of specific circumstances. for example; when we have small disagrees about what we eat outside, she think this might happen in our marriage. She also have some finished friendship stories  because she can’t give a promise  in  certain future plans.

^^i forget about writing this  in first part;  when we talked about life in later hours before ending date, i asked about what is the memory that you wish forget about it? She replied it, i quote ” not like a memory but there is a process and i am not the main character,   it didn’t happen to me but, it happened around me, this was affecting me in some way, of course we can’t erase it, best we can is that i can see it as a life course”… I think this was me, i didn’t think  deeply at that time,but this was like slapping on my face.  It makes me think that  i did a mistake.^^

Again, thank you replying to me

Serkan

Hi Anita,

I will list the most notable ones, i hope it will help you to understand. By the way, i have found this site by chance. i read most of discussions on the forum. You are an amazing person.

On the restorant, they have a special recipe,  but i found hard to go there because, it is too far to eat, i thought it is just a launch.

what i meant about disagreements is that  she  is keen on enjoying life, living at the moment, we have differences on that, i am much of a thinking further of things. for example,  she was talking  a specific scene about a romantic movie, in that couples was talking about what if my partner change their specific attitude, and i just commented about you think  about too, after  that, she didn’t talk one or two days. Another example,  she eats toast with jam at nights later when she is hungry,  i never tried that, one day i tried and i commented it is very yummy with smile, and she said with angry face that please everyone has own pleasure.

one day again, she was talking about one of his favourite poets, later on that i said an unpleasent comment with a fact on this poet, she said none of your business

one another is that    i asked about what she  is fear of  most. she answered   general things like scary things, ex. dog. i replied what about life, she did not want to talk. And things got awkward  two days or something after that(i mean not much couple but friendly with distance talk).

I guess she wanted to learn first that we can enjoy  the moment together, or i don’t know

serkan

• This reply was modified 4 years, 9 months ago by Serkan.

hi Anita,

I am sorry that i couldn’t be clear about examples, i will write down exactly what she said.

1. At the time that it happened, i was working at full time accountant job while she was a  phd student in microbiology. We occasianally meet during launch break, and it is a limited time(one hour, max one and half if you have important matters), Restaurant thing happened one time.  We usually did not planned our meetings during lunch, i said we dated 2-3 times but they were planned, one is a romantic diiner, other is a romantic movie and after talk, last one is a special weekend outside the town. Anyway, the restaurant is approximately 20 minutes away, and i have it on mind that i have a plan for that restaurant like a date and it didn’t mention her about it, i said her that i heard that restaurant too, but as you know we have limited time, i don’t want to waste it,  i would rather  talk with you, i mean is just a lunch. And she said why  you can’t let it flow the time,  dating is not planned something, time is not the matter here,  we don’t have to talk every time, spending time with you  sometimes pushes me into think that we trying hard to communicate,  not like natural.

2.) Movie scene was about friends  with couples, they  were talking about their each other’s dislikes. And i related that scene into us about our dislikes against each other and i said that i guess you have some dislikes against me. And  she said why always you think fictionary things, and as if  it would be real, and you behave accordingly. I just liked that scene, that’s it.

3.) I said about the toast; i think it was nice, i might also  eat it sometimes as a night sneak with a smile.And she said  why are you relating your pleasure to me, you don’t have to like my pleasures,  it’s just a toast, don’t impersonate me in your head. Today i like it, maybe tomarrow i don’t. everyone has own pleasure.

4. She said that she likes Rumi, who is a spiritual poet. I thought she likes a spiritual poet, i guess she have ideas to coincide with the poets’ ideas. And  i just quoted some Rumi idea that ” be like a tree and let the dead leaves drop”, I meant she has steadiness, and strong roots in life. She said  don’t judge my likes about rumi; to like a poet doesn’t mean i like him with all ideas he has. As if you all know about me,  you are trying to do same thing again(impersonating). I like or dislike. none of your business.

5. She said she fear dogs and she never tries to confront with that fear, i said what your fears about life, don’t you worried that you may not be ready when it finds you( i guess i mentioned that she doesn’t like planning, i thought she fears about being caught unready whatever lifes brings her door rhetorically). And she said  i guess i will find out it when it comes. After that, cold behaviors as if she means you did again.

these examples showed me now that she is right, maybe we didn’t match because of what you think of life,  back then, i didn’t think deeply i guess. Now, the feelings which eats me inside is that i may not find my soulmate.  omg