Dear Nia:

You are welcome and thank you for wishing me well.

When you talk to your husband and he looks bored and says “u still discuss about this. I told u”- it means you probably repeated yourself, said the same things you said before. So when he says this, stop talking, change the subject or be silent for a while. Maybe he will bring up another topic to talk about.

When a mother leaves her young daughter, she leaves behind a hole in her daughter’s heart. Unfortunately, your husband cannot fill that hole. He can make you feel better sometimes, but not permanently. No matter how good you may feel with him one day, the next day- that hole in the heart hurts just like before.

It is possible to heal that injury that caused the hole in the heart, the injury caused by a mother’s abandoning her child (and later by her father’s death). It starts by you putting into practice your ability to feel your anxiety, hurt and anger without acting on these feelings. For example, you feel hurt and anger at your husband, or you worry that he likes the other woman more- don’t talk to him about it yet again, repeating the same, asking him the same questions etc.

(Talk to him on the topic if you have something new to bring up to him, something that may be useful).

Healing requires sometimes quality psychotherapy/ counseling. It involves expressing that original pain, no longer pretending that you don’t care regarding your mother abandoning you (“I react like I don’t care”). But you can’t force feelings. You can’t decide: I am going to feel the pain now! It takes a process, best done in quality professional therapy.

anita