Dear Janus, Earth Angel and Poet:

I want to give you more of my input today. First I will quote from your thread beginning right after you started your Fall Semester at Stockton (the bold face feature is added by me), second- my input.

Sept 18, 2019: “I have started Stockton University as a sophomore studying Biochemistry/Molecular Biology and Applied Physics. The campus is really peaceful… I am struggling with Organic Chemistry and thinking of withdrawing from that class… and retaking it in the Spring semester.. In the class, I feel like I’m falling behind because I am struggling to grasp the materials for the lab experiments and I am afraid that I cannot keep up. I have a student mentor who helps me, but it is still a difficult class.

Sept 30:  “I began to realize that I wanted to become a genetic researcher because I wanted to study DNA structure and genes in hopes of possibly figuring out if certain genes could be changed without adverse effects on an individual. Because if genes in the DNA structure could be changed, perhaps transgender people could get the genes that regulate biological sex characteristics.. I think that this is why genetic research appeals to me so much because I want to help the transgender community. I think that the career path of genetic researcher is an expression of my authentic self.

Oct 24:  “The labs are what’s most stressful about science classes.

Oct 26: “I think that the stressful things about the labs is keeping the lab notebook organized and analyzing the data collected from the lab experiments. The professors for Organic Chemistry lab have their students create tables detailing the chemical and physical properties of the compounds they use in lab. During the lab experiments, students have to record the data they have in the lab notebooks and then use that data to write a lab report at the end of the experiment to summarize what they learned. I think that the stressful part is knowing what data to record in the lab notebook and how to read the chemical data sheets ..The lab notebooks have a specific format for the pages such as numbering and where each part goes and I worry about not getting the format of the lab notebooks correct and then having points taken off in lab because the lab notebook procedure and details need to be checked by the professor before students can work on the lab. In addition, each student has their own lab station and they conduct their own experiments which is cool, but can also be stressful because if a student struggles with the lab experiment then there isn’t a partner to help them. Students can ask other classmates for help and general guidelines, but the lab experiments are mostly conducted by themselves.

Jan 2, 2020: “There are times when I think that I would also make a good spiritual counselor for the transgender community and with my poems I could spread positivity to them so I consider being a writer. The writing skills helps with lab reports and scientific research essays but I feel like I am more of a creative writer than an analytical writer which is why it takes more time for me to write lab reports than it does to write poetry even though I am interested in both science and spirituality poems. .. Although I enjoy learning about scientific studies and advances in scientific technology, sometimes the research reports that I have to write about the experiments for labs that I do can be stressful. I enjoy doing the laboratory experiments and learning new things about DNA structure and chemistry of the molecules in the body, but writing lab reports to analyze the results of the experiments and making sure all the data is reported accurately and in a specific format makes me anxious sometimes. Since I tend to be a creative person who likes to experiment and learn new things, I like the research and the lab experiments part but when it comes to analyzing the results and the graphs that I have of the data collected to put in a report I sometimes find myself doubting myself. I worry that I won’t be able to write the format of the report correctly and I worry that the results that I got may not be ideal and it makes me feel anxious that I am not as smart as the other students who are analyzing the lab data.

Jan 25: “The librarians at Stockton are very helpful in helping students look for books for their research subjects or just to read to improve their knowledge in a field. The labs at Stockton are quite large and a bit intimidating for me because each student gets their own locker and drawer for their materials so that they can conduct their experiments. While I find it exciting to do research on my own and build my skills, I miss having a smaller lab and working with a partner like I used to at Ocean County Community college because I could check my work, but at Stockton each student does their own experiments.

Feb 8: “I hope that my genetics class goes okay this semester because lab is a bit stressful but there is only one lab report that has a relatively simple format but working on understanding the data from genetics lab experiments to writing the fruit fly lab report is a bit stressful because I am not sure if I fully understand the data I collected and since I worked with a lab partner I am not sure if each of our notes seems to fit together because both of us will be submitting individual reports but the reports will have both our names on them. For Organic Chemistry lab, there is a lab report due after each experiment and the format for the lab reports are more complex but they aren’t too difficult to follow, Organic Chemistry labs usually have more steps compared to genetics labs. the professor and the classmates are very helpful for Organic Chemistry lab experiments and I find that I can work on them quite well.”

Part 2, My input: it is probably a good idea that you print part 1 above (with or without the bold face feature) and show it to a professional in the field of scientific research, so to get the most reliable input regarding your compatibility with a scientific research career.

Reads to me, that you were drawn to science for a variety of reasons, and one very attractive reason, or motivation, was to help the transgender community through genetic research. Problem is that to become a genetic researcher, you have to be comfortable in the lab. It reads online (targetjobs. co. uk/ careers- advice): “A research scientist’s work is almost entirely laboratory- based, with responsibilities that include:.. recording and analyzing data.. writing research papers, reports, reviews and summaries”.

How can you be a genetic researcher if you are not comfortable in the lab.. if the lab is where you are most stressed  out?

In other words, becoming a genetic researcher appealed to you on paper, that is, in theory; but following your real-life practical experience in the lab, you found out that your strength is not in the lab.

In the same website I mentioned above, it says regarding skills required for science lab technicians and a research scientist: “meticulous attention to detail and accuracy, excellent written and oral communication skills, good teamwork”- and you have had difficult in the writing part and the team work in the lab.

Your strength is in creative writing (this is why I refer to you as Poet), but not in analytical writing that has to fit a strict format, a laboratory writing.

Regarding anxiety and performance: some people feel anxious in certain contexts and relaxed in other contexts. For example, I imagine you feel relaxed when you write poetry,  but you are anxious in the lab. Another person may be anxious when attempting to write a poem, but relaxed in the lab.

I suggest that you consider a different major for the next semester in Stockton, or that you consider a specialized training elsewhere, aiming at a job or a career that will be compatible with you.

anita