She genuinely liked me as a friend maybe, but that’s probably it. I still wonder about our first hike when she started putting her makeup on when I messaged her I was near and her saying “you’re probably just nervous you’re seeing me” when I told her of my stomach ache…yes, she used to make me nervous but that’s long gone now. She’s not made me feel nervous since that picnic we had…well sorta a picnic, we bought food at a buffet and sat outside near the water and talked. Also the first hike when we talked about the psychic reading she had…for those several months we were SO CLOSE!!! like I’ve never experienced that since elementary school. We also used to have moments on the phone and kept delaying hanging up (now we hang up asap), her texts I could FEEL her genuinely wants to talk to me on the phone and be sad when we don’t, hell she even put a frowney face when I said I was going to bed we can talk the next night. I wish she would have called me on her own, but she only calls her mom or daughters (now her boyfriend), also that best summer of my life in 2017 when she had and those phone calls felt amazing just soaking in the moments.

You think she will reply saying goodbye or anything? would feel better knowing she said something. Pretty sure she’s out of town right now though since she wont be starting work for a week, but a goodbye would be better then nothing, I dunno how to take that silence, like what is the meaning of the silence? is she mad because what I said and just wants to ignore me? or happy it’s over? or other things. I don’t regret what I said, I just could not take it anymore! Could not sleep well because I was so angry every night thinking I was a failure, I was not good enough, why did  things change because of that new guy? also was becoming late for work often, work was about to write me up and I could not think of anything else but being angry.

I just do my normal thing, go around cracking jokes, talking to customers and fellow employees, flirting and hugging the girls (girl customers too), making the girls all laugh, pretending I am happy, people will think I am happy hell even the thread this girl is about thinks I am happy…I am not but who wants to hang around a miserable person?